Top ten things never to do in the microlab

As operators sit and attempt to adminstrate this thing someone once back in the stone ages decided to call a "microlab", crazed clients pretend to do something fun and end up screwing everything up and annoying the operators to death.
  1. Hotmail sucks. You always wanted those private e-mails broadcast to the world, right?
  2. Yahoo sucks. Where else can you learn the stock market crashed, no one wants to buy your beanie baby, and get e-mail from your signifcant other informing you of the termination of your relationship?
  3. IS sucks. How else would they make their way to the top of DB and still have an interogation chamber?
  4. Red tape sucks. You always wanted to go through thirty bazillion hoops to get your key to the server closet, right?
  5. Solace minions of orthodoxy suck. You always wanted to ask cluelessly how to quintuple-squiggle-underline your title, right?
  6. Windows sucks. Admit it: you always wanted it to crash every thirty-seven seconds, loosing all of your work since the last save.
  7. PDA sucks. (and we're not talking about palm pilots.) You always wanted the petting zoo to relocate to the microlab server closet, right?
  8. Corel PhotoutHouse sucks. It's not a real image manipulation program, nor is it anything other than a massive piece of mac that claims to be usefull to those who don't have a clue about computers.
  9. ALL LAB PATRONS ARE MORONS! How hard is it to click File -> Save to save a document?
  10. Linux rocks. You already knew that, but here in the microlab, we lock Harriet in the closet with two mis-behaved NT boxen, Schroeder and Woodstock.