Under Rug Swept

Date: 2002-03-11 14:46:27

Last night I was checking the latest news on CNN.com and happened across an article that mentioned that Alanis Morissette's new song "Hands Clear" was available only if one bought the full album.

What? Alanis released a new album and I didn't know about it?

(What did I really expect to happen? For Alanis to call me up and say, "Hey Ted, I know you're a large fan of mine, and I'd like to let you know I'm releasing a new album next week"? Riight.)

So I headed over to cdnow.com in another browser window on a nearby desktop (these days, my desktops are in a 3x3 grid; desktop 1 has seven semi-transparent Eterms, licq, and xmms; Mozilla starts on desktop 2 and expands to 3 and 6 and occasionally 5; gimp or openoffice or abiword or xchat or whatever populate desktops 4 and 5 and occasionally 7 and 8) and see that, yes indeed, Alanis Morissette released a new album twelve days ago. (Without telling me.)

Obviously, I had to have it.

After double-checking that no one on the local network had managed to download it already, I tossed it in my shopping cart and learned that cdnow would most likely ship it within three business days.

Three business days! What do they think they are?

(Had I been able to easily acquire digital copies, I would have put off purchasing it for a little while while I evaluated whether to purchase the disk or not. Given the artist, I would have purchased it eventually. I would have shopped around for the best price and likely purchased it online, since I could handle not getting my hands on a physical copy for three business days for fulfillment and another six business days for shipping. I think e-tailers need to address this issue, since cdnow lost my business this time because of it.)

I required instant gratification, especially because I'll be in Boulder in four business days. Online ordering was out of the question. Fortunately, College Place has a mega-chain meatspace pseudo-discount retailer with rather obnoxious tv ads featuring circular bright yellow dancing smiley-faces. The advantage of a meatspace retailer is it's close, fulfilling my need for instant gratification. I biked over this morning and concluded I'm rather out of shape.

It took me one pass through the meager cd aisle to figure out that the artist I wanted was alphabetized under "Morissette", not "Alanis", and another to figure out that the album I desired was sitting in the rack above the artist's tab.

Out came the magic bank account depletion card for the disk I was buying, music unheard. I actually remembered which way to slide it in the little slot.

How hard would it be for them to have a sticker that said "strip this side"? Maybe it's not that tough to figure it out after all.

I headed back to my quarters, ripped open the shrink wrap and other annoying devices, and put it in my player.

do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
do you have a big intellectual capacity
but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
do you see everything as an illusion
but enjoy it even though you are not of it?
are you both masculine and feminine?
politically aware? and don't believe in capital punishment?

these are 21 things that i want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that i prefer

do you derive joy from diving in
and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
are you funny? á la self-deprecating?
like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

there are 21 things that i want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that i prefer
i figure i can describe it since i have a choice in the matter
these are 21 things that i choose to choose in a lover

i'm in no hurry i could wait forever
i'm in no rush cuz i like being solo
there are no worries and certainly no pressure
in the meantime i'll live like there's no tomorrow

are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
up for being experimental? are you athletic?
are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
are you not addicted?

..are you curious and communicative?

I love Alanis.

Listening to fresh Alanis reminded me of the last time I listened to a large quantity of fresh Alanis: the end of my freshman year, when I acquired my own copies of Jagged Little Pill and Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie and Fested to the light of my orange lava lamp.

Time to code. TCP awaits me.