Weddings

Date: 2002-09-05 23:30:44

Since Yanthor's webpage currently lacks a comments feature yet, I shall respond to his latest content here.

When I asked Kiesa to marry me eight months ago, I had no real idea what I was getting into. (Well, I knew about this whole "marriage" thing, and I had heard about "sex", but my experience about "weddings" was limited to Yanthor's, which I showed up for and even managed to play some role in.) Kiesa tried to convince me to elope, but that was before she mentioned THREE HOURS OF PHOTOS the morning of the wedding, so I didn't think that was a good idea. (Besides, our mothers would kill us.) I think I had it easier than Yanthor: my mother-in-law actually likes me, and has even mastered the amazing concept of interpersonal relationships. It didn't hurt that Gem didn't really think of her wedding as "her big day" from the time she was old enough to realize that she was female and, therefore, would most likely be a bride someday.

I was quite pleased with my involvement in the planning of our wedding. I started to realize how crazy I was when Gem, her mother, and I went wedding dress shopping five days after The Question. I knew something was up when I was the one and only guy in the whole entire store. Gem was pleased when I managed to provide constructive comments for each dress she tried on. (Gem ended up going later with her mother, and picking her dress then. I didn't actually see the dress until a few days before the wedding, and I didn't see it on her until the morning of the wedding, when I endured standing for the "first look" photo. I cheated and broke out Vigor, whose reflective screen provided an excellent mirror to look behind me.)

I have mentioned that Gem's mother lived vicariously through our wedding, but I didn't mean that in a negative sense. Gem and I were always in control, at least as much as any two people could possibly hope to be. For most decisions (like the decorating), I was happy to defer to Gem's complete judgment. For some others, I wanted final stamp-of-approval power, and for others (like the tuxedos, although I suppose it would follow that I should make that decision; this just sprang to mind since I just wrote that journal entry tonight), I was closely involved in the decision process. I never felt any resistance from Gem or anyone else.

When Bethany was much younger, she heard that the wedding day was all about the bride and concluded that the wedding night must be all about the groom. This is 2002; if $ARBITRARY_BRIDE_X is going to enjoy sex, $ARBITRARY_GROOM_Y had better demand equality in the wedding decision process.

I hereby submit Kiesa and myself as role models for this and the next generation of couples getting married.